Tuesday, May 27, 2014

We sometimes forget. I do, I did. I can't remember how it used to be. I try to focus on what's to come so I don't loose myself in all these things, all those words. There are people so organized and then, there's me. I can't concentrate on a conversation, even if I want to. I'm just a dreamer, can't change that. I know sometimes I may be irritating or even exhausting. I just forget. I want to remember everything and yet I only keep little things. I just remember a smell, a color or a sound. I don't know why, but then those little things make me cry. I remember, I do. Sometimes not everything but only what is important. I remember the feeling. I don't know exactly the words or the event, but I remember how it felt. Not everybody does that. I do. Some don't even know the importance of feeling. I do. I just need enough to shred a tear, to laugh or sigh. I do have powerful memories but in my own way.
I remember... I do. Don't get me wrong. I can still feel your skin over mine. I still can smell your scent in the most random places. I still can see your eyes when I start to cry. I still can remember your lips. I can hear your voice when I need someone to make me laugh. I still do. I can't remember what happened. I don't know the actual words, the exact moment. I can't remember the last kiss.
I am used to you remembering what I forget. I am still used to you putting together the pieces in my head. I still have this horrible habit of you making sense of all the nonsense in my head.
You gave me structure, you gave me reason, you gave me all those things I keep forgetting.
I am everything you don't need in a relationship. I not only forget, but I just can't seem to keep myself in reality. I am volatile. I am vulnerable and random.
I know I am not what you need. I know I am what you once wanted. I know you've grown up. I haven't. I refuse to become someone so mundane. I can't become that women you need me to be. I will always be the random girl that made you laugh, got you mad beyond any reasonable explanation, took you from complete bliss to absolute desperation. I am that girl. I am the one who will always remember how you feel but not what you did.

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