Thursday, October 09, 2014

Everything I wanted

Nothing ever matters. In the end, all the words we say, all the tears we shed, all the promises we make, they all fall and break into a million pieces. We don't get to find the source of all this pain or the cause of all this hurting. We are left broken, without all those things we gave.
Hurting, feeling like dying is ok. There is no grace or glamour in crying like a child. It makes no difference where the tears come from. We are all, at the end of it all, nothing but a carbon copy of everyone else. We are no different from anyone else that has been broken.
We might have felt special, untouchable. We might have lived different stories. In the end, it does not make a difference, not one bit. We deceive ourselves and others by making up this people we want to be. We are desperately trying to become an exception to every rule ever written about love.We never are. 
The first time I saw you, I felt an instant pull towards you. I felt the need to be around you. I had to breathe the same air, your scent, drink in your eyes. I had to be with you. I had never wanted something so bad, so desperately. We were drawn to each other. We are messed up and two narcissistic assholes. We had this connexion, this way of communicating no one else understood. I loved feeling this special. I lived to be that untouchable, ethereal being you cherished so much. You made me feel safe and in control. I thought we were one of a kind. I truly believed this bond could never be broken. No matter how many people crossed our paths, we kept coming back.
I thought I was so different. I was living this messed up, impossible relationship and loved it. I have never felt normal, I have always dreaded the ordinary. You gave me that.
You never gave me flowers, you gave me irreplaceable moments. You never wrote a poem about me, you wrote endless letters that showed your true colors. You never called me your girlfriend, you called me your soulmate and best friend. You never proclaimed your love, you gave it to me, complete behind closed doors. You never gave me ordinary, you gave me everything I wanted.