There is something in the air tonight. It feels thick and heavy. It feels like the last time. That day we both said goodbye and promised ourselves it would be the last. I had made my peace with that. I had learned to live without. I can't exactly explain how it happened but you just faded away, slowly. I found myself not thinking of you and begging for you to come home. I found a way to ease the pain, make the coldness in my bed go away. I learned how to stop feeling that void in my bed, my heart and my head.
When you give you heart away you never think you'll get it back, all broken and filled with goodbyes. I never thought I would have to mend it. Glue it piece by piece, moment by moment, kiss by kiss. Its hard to fix a broken heart when the there is no one to help around. Its impossible to do so when the one who broke it is the only one with the power to put it back together. But then it gets better. We learn to fake some smiles that eventually become real. We start to fake happiness that sooner or later turn into bliss.
I started to mend my heart a long time ago. I reconstructed every bit of it. Instead of being breakable, this time I glued it so hard it is rather impossible to give away. Now it is locked inside my chest, bound to be whole and empty. It will not break. That is the real shame. Now I cannot find a way to give it away. I cannot find the door so I can love someone that much. Not at least the way I loved you. Not in a have-my-heart-do-as-you-want way. I don't trust, I can't believe. I cannot even let myself care. I've pushed every single one of them away. I will not have a broken heart again.