Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sometimes we win... we often loose...

Sometimes life is complicated, sometimes it isn't. Other times it just is. We need to see things the way they are and give them their appropriate measure. We tend to overreact, underreact or whatever. But we never actually give things the importance they deserve. In my case, huge things don't seem that big and small things appear as big, fat, ugly monsters in my closet. Then I get scared, or bored. I wish I could actually see things the way they are. But I can't, I am unable to see clearly.

He walks away slowly, knowing he has broken her heart. What is there to say when you have someone's heart in your sleeve? He is unable to formulate a phrase, to even get close to give her a hug. She just cries and tries to understand why he can't love her back. We all have our ghosts, he does, she does. He refuses to let go. She needs him to do so, she needs to feel loved. I guess we all do.
This dance they're in is not something we haven't seen. There is always one who falls harder. There is always one that just breaks. We have this ability to break others and we don't even notice. There's always a coin in the air, who will break? When we start to touch, to live, we are betting on something. Sometimes we loose, sometimes we win. I wish I could always win.
I see all the crying and panic. It's not a pretty thing to see. I watch them all get hurt, but then again I watch them all get loved. It's just a risk I've never fully understood. Why would you go around looking for someone to break your heart? It's not healthy, it's not pretty. But then I see those smiles and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Then I get confused. I don't want people around me to hurt, but they always do. I do. Then there are no words, no hugs and no smiles that can make all that pain go away.
I once saw him cry. I once saw him hurt like I've never seen someone hurt. I just felt my heart crumble and I couldn't say a word to make it better, make it go away. Someone else has his heart. So then it's a freaking never ending game. He has her heart, she has his heart, and so on and so on. I refuse to sign up for something as evil as that. And then I see you, and the world stops spinning. I see clearly for just a second. I fear not, for just one moment. And then it fades away. Then it just goes into that dark place my heart has become.

1 comment:

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