Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The problem with you

The problem with you is you are too perfect. You are everything my mother told me a man should be. You are too damn perfect. You make me feel awkward and out of place. You keep telling me you find all my awkwardness appealing. I keep repeating myself you will wake up one day wanting a perfect wife. 
The problem with this is my darkness fades when you are around. You have and will never understand the twisted paths within my mind. You are too damn perfect. 
You are that kind of man all women want to marry. You have everything planned, everything on track. I am everything but planned or on track. You make us being together a constant reminder I am everything but the good girl you are supposed to marry. 
It hurts, because I see the way you look at me. It breaks my heart because I have learned to love perfect. I have become this person who is not afraid of good things. Still, in the back of my mind, in the morning, while you are just there, observing me, I hear this voice. This person I really am just tells me you won't love my darkness. 
I really want you to love my darkness. I want you to not be afraid of all the crazy things that go on in my head. I want to be sure you won't run out the door the moment I let one of my demons out. You are too perfect. You have kept all the voices in my head quiet. You have kept my fears, my pain and self loathing in line. I am no longer in this need to make someone hurt. I want to make you happy. 
The problem with you is you are perfect. You are well adjusted and sure. I am awkward and doubtful. You  are handsome an well dressed. I am weird and unfashionable . You are well behaved and controlled. I am unstable and random. 
The thing with you is I kind of love my darkness. The thing with you is you've taken that away from me. I am scared. I am just waiting for my monster to wake up and make a mess. I am just waiting for you to realize you are too good for me. I am terrified you will leave me and my demons will just take over for good. 

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