Beautiful Pain

Beautiful pain. Beautiful hurting. I love the way it feels. Nothing is so profound, so deep, so personal. The pain you give me is the most amazing gift someone could ever receive. It is this pain that lets me know I am alive. I realize, because of this hurting, I love you. I could never love so intensely. I could never hope to burst into flames ever again. You make me feel hell on earth. You make me fall from the highest tower and break every single bone in my body. You brand every inch of my body with your touch. 

I don't want this pain to go away. I don't want to stop this absolute bliss. The hurting gives me pleasure. The absolute misery that comes from feeling every inch of your skin crawl and burn because of someone else is just amazing. 

Don't heal me. Please, do not let me feel happiness or stop the bleeding. I want to feel every drop of my blood drain out of my body. I want to feel every bit of pain you have given me. I do not want you to stop. Please, I beg you, hurt me deeper. Don't let any part of me untouched. I am yours, completely. I am your toy to pick up whenever you feel like it. 

Don't love me. Please, hate me, hurt me and make me feel alive. I do not want your tenderness or kindness. I want you to burn with desire, self destruct and break me every time you think o me. I want to be broken. Please, do not mend me. I love the feeling of not having anything to hold on to. This beautiful feeling of falling without a net. The beautiful thrill of falling. Please do not take that away from me. 

I do not need you to stay. I do not need you to heal me once I break. I love myself dysfunctional. I love myself hurt and broken. I do not need my wholeness. I do not want my sanity. I do not need warm and fuzzy. I want to burn with just the thought of you.