At night she dreams about a different life. She tries so hard to let herself feel fine. Then she realizes she was left broken, a long time ago, when there was no other. That day her hopes were broken. She will not tell, will never know. The truth is she will never let go. She wants them to care to make them feel the pain. That cold, paralyzing agony of not being loved in return. She has been that girl for too long. She has stopped trying to be the object of love. She has now became the object of desire. She is now the one who makes them fall and feels fine about it. But at night, when it gets cold, she has no one to hold. She shreds a tear and moves on. She is done with the crying, the self-pity and the desiring. She has now lost her soul. Would you care to find it? Would someone try to mend it? Is it broken beyond repair? Please say you will try, even if the journey is hard. I beg you, say you will stay. Please wait and see underneath the tears. There is so much more to her than a break. She is just too much neurosis and pain. Please just stay a little while, you'll see she is still able to try. Even if she constantly says: "Don't you dare try to make me love you"
Monday, October 29, 2007
Don't you dare try to make me love you
He said it would be fine. Falling in love had never been so hard. She hears a whisper in the back of her head, telling her everything will mend. She wonders what is left for her, is there any room in there? She finds her heart frozen, her emotions locked inside a box, her hopes hidden in between his touch. And then she wonders. What would have happened with that other man, those hands, those lips. She thinks about so many good-byes, so much love left behind. All those words left unsaid, now killing her with every breath. What if she had said I want to love you? What if she had let him see her for who she really is? So many questions, so many doubts. Still she fights.