Sunday, October 03, 2010

A way out

-For God's sake, take a chill pill- That's all Sam could say every time someone would turn all deep on her. She wasn't about to start talking about feelings in the middle of the day. That's exactly what she hates about being a women. Why is she expected to be all sensitive?
She had been so many times in and out of rehab she was fed up with how-do-you-feel questions. She didn't feel anything, so she hated to be expected to do so. She was just tired of people trying to find out whether she would try to kill herself again or not. Everyone was always so serious around her. Everyone walking over eggshells, trying not to rub her in the wrong way.
It was true, she had tried it awfully hard. She went from your average sedative overdose to your mouth-openning jump out the window. All the time she felt trapped, she felt like no door would ever open. She first thought it was a horrible chain of missfotunate calculations at the suicidal breaking point. Not enough pills, not enough height. After a while she just realized it was another door that wouldn't open.
In a weird way she gave up. Just like she gave up on her life, she gave up on her attempt to end it. It was ironic, it was hillarious. She couldn't believe she couldn't kill herself. She found it kind of humorous to find herself alive while others would just drop dead like flies. She had so much fun reading the obituaries. Full of life was her favorite quote. Not anymore, she would say. She would crack up everytime.
After giving up on the suicidal mission, she started to live. One day, she met this incredibly funny looking fellow. He showed her around some places she'd never been. He talked to her about subjects she didn't know existed. She got to know people she couldn't even imagined existed.
One sunday morning, while having breakfast in bed, she looked blank at this funny looking fellow and told him everything about her unfinished business. It had become an obsession. She wanted to die just because she couldn't.
-Well of course. You cannot die if you are not living. You can't die twice-
She looked at him. She smiled. She had finally found her way out.


humantree said...


*~PinkTangerine~* said...

coming or going?