Friday, October 03, 2008

We're always chasing. We chase love, we chase happiness, success. But then I get tired of running. Sometimes I think I keep running away from myself, from you. Then I find myself chasing you. Begging you to come back, to make all this pain go away. Can you fix me? Can you make me believe there's more than this?
Maybe I ran too fast, too far. Can't find my way back home anymore. I'm confused, hurt and most of all, madly in love with you. I'm madly in love with you, with him, with everybody else. And then I think I might be in love with who I am when I am around all of you. I am confident, I'm in control, happy, fun and most of all I'm wanted. There's this thing about desire, this uncontrolable addiction to saying when, how and where. I like not having to say why, I love answering just because.
I want to be with you just because. I don't miss you, I just need you. When he's around I want to be with him too. I want everything, everybody. I want to be that person you miss, that person you think of every night before going to bed.
I want you to be worthy of me. I want you to deserve me. I want to stop deserving better. I want to deserve you so I can be with you. I want someone to be worthy of me so I can put an end to all this loneliness. I want you to kiss me good night, to kiss me good morning. I want to hear you say I love you. I want you to need me as bad as I need your body. I want you to desire as much as I desire your heart and soul. I want you to look at me, not see right through me.
Is it so hard to be with me? Am I so difficult to deal with? I'm just this girl, frozen with panic. I'm just in front of you, begging you to love me. Why can't you hear me scream?

1 comment:

*~PinkTangerine~* said...

Trying to say I love you I find myself crashing to into an invisible wall I probably created. I know chasing. I know craving. I know looking for something that isnt there and loving myself for being with someone else. I've been inlove with love since I can remember. I read this and remember how much im like you and how much you're like me. I'd forgotten. Family thing right?