Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I still remember

I still remember. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think of you. All these memories become real in total and utter darkness. I remember. I remember your eyes in mine, your lips over mine, your skin against mine. I still remember. I still feel your hands touching my body, I hear your heart beating fast. I still remember. I still remember you said you loved me. I still remember my tears burning my cheeks, I still remember my heart aching, my body trembling.

You never said forever. I sort of hoped it was. You never said we would be together. I sort of hoped we would. You never promised your heart. I secretly prayed it would someday be mine. Its been so long and I can still feel you. I still dream of you. Its been so long, and still, I look at you. My knees still feel weak every time I hear your voice. I still shake to the bone every time I hear your name. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I still want to be yours.

We've been in playing this game for so long, I think is the only way I know. I just dance along, smile, nod. I'm not myself anymore. I want to hurt everyone as bad as I hurt you. I want to break every single one of them. I only know how to love with hurt. How can love compare to my long time obsession? It won't, I can't. When you hurt I know. When you cry I finally realize. When you fake a smile I know you're all mine.

With my head in my hands, on my knees, I beg you, let me go. I have to move on. I want to forget, I want to fill my empty bed. I wish I could make all of this go away. I wish I could breathe again. Take my heart, take my soul, but please just let me go.

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