Fidelity

Are we truly faithful? Are we really meant to find absolute devotion in someone else? Are we willing to give that back?

Eyes wonder. Hearts unsettle. Just one little thing can change everything. A butterfly flaps its wings. It's a hurricane in someone else's life. We just meant to be nice. You just meant to be warm with the girl your friend brought over. I just meant to be the polite new girl. It was just beyond our control. We are both commited. What harm could come out of this?

Love sometimes just lets pure lust escape. When you love you need to take care of so many things, and then you kind of lose some others. We are so invested in taking care of so many things required in a relationship we forget we are human. We tend forget we have instincts and that taming ourselves is not just an act of pure love. 

Faithfulness is just a spectrum. It's a pallet of colors and we choose where we stand. We do not need to touch to cheat. We don't even need to get close to cheat. Who decides that? Sometimes, it takes a look, just one word. We change everything inside us and we just start fearing we might be unfaithful. 

It doesn't even matter how loyal we are as a person. We can be the must trustworthy being you have ever met, and still, a stranger can make you melt inside. Where do we draw the line? Is cheating having a wet dream about someone else? Is cheating having that electric reaction when someone brushes against you by chance? Am I supposed to feel this way? Is it normal?  Am I cheating?

Someone once said, "if it feels like cheating, it probably is". I don't even know how I feel. I just have this loyalty thing. I guess it's just an honesty thing. I need things to be transparent, clear. I have to tell. I have to let you know I have this urge. I have this itch. If I don't say it, am I cheating?

If we talk about it? Is it cheating? If we fantasize about how could it be if we weren't committed? Is it cheating? The thing is, we can still be in love with someone else. Still, we can't stop looking at each other. Still this beat inside of me can't be silenced. 

It stopped for a while. I didn't find any urges outside where my loyalty laid. Then it did. Then I had this itch, this uncontrollable feeling of feeling turned on by somebody else. The urge to feel someone else's hands over my body. I wanted to be explored and tamed by someone else. I wanted to feel his breathe, taste every little part of him. I wanted to see him whole, naked, sweaty. I wanted to abandon myself to pleasure. I wanted to end up naked, exhausted and trembling. I wanted him to fill this urge. 

If I do not cave, is it cheating? If I do not let myself go to every single urge I have, will I be faithful? Even if I dream at night about his lips, his tongue and every inch of his body, am I still being faithful? If I do not let him lick every hidden part of my body, do I get to keep being loyal? Even if dream about it, think about it and even talk about it?

Where do we draw the line?