Hurt

Hurting you is the only way I can show how much I love you. That is the only truth. That is the only way I can explain what happened. That is the only reason for this.

Love takes you off guard, most of the times. At least that was what I thought. I believed in being swept off my feet at the most random moment. That was how I met you. You were there, my mind was not. I was thinking about him, my ghost. I will not deny it. I was broken. I could not see you. Not at least until you walked that stairs, got on stage and became alive. As the music increased, your voice raised and your body took life of its own I started to pay attention. There was no turning back. Your eyes had a glow. It was just like the one I think I sometimes have. I have never understood people with no passion. There are so many things, so beautiful, in this world. I cannot image not falling in love with one. My ghost has no passion. That was the main reason I could never love him the way I loved you. That is why I never hurt him as much I hurt you. You moved as if you had always been there, you were suspended in that precise moment. That instant made you immortal. You were branded in my heart. You were forever written in my memory. That kind of passion had to mark my soul. So you did. Then, you saw me. You have always seen me, not through me. I was swept away. You gave me no chance but to fall in love with you. I love you dearly, deeply. I want to hurt you just the same.

Why can’t you understand it? I did it because that is the only way I can show you. You have marked my soul, my mind, my heart, my body. There is nothing in me you don’t own. I belong to you completely, totally, unconditionally, forever. Can’t take that back. Now shut up and enjoy the pain.

I just did it because I knew you would cry. Don’t for a minute think I do not love you. I love you so much I cannot let you go unmarked. I want to leave a trace behind. Don’t want to be someone you can forget easily, someone who loves you enough to let you go. I don’t have that kind of love for you. I love so much more than that. I want you all mine, I want you to cry, I want you to feel like dying when I am not around. Does it hurt? Tell me. How much more pain can you take? I have so many lies and secrets. Don’t walk away. I still can show you how much I love you.