random

La intrascendencia nunca había sido algo que me ocupara mi mente. Entonces alguien dijo que no lo soy. No lo dijeron directamente pero cuando dicen que algo que tu has creado lo es, es como si ese calificativo fuera sólo para tí. Me puse a pensar y me di cuenta que tal vez lo soy. Tal vez soy tan egocéntrica que no veo más allá de mis proyecciones o de mis propios deseos. O tal vez no. Me gusto, intrascendente tal cual soy.


There's a game everybody plays. The looks, the involuntary touch. Is this game of control, who's over who. I've never been good at this game. I do the touching when I mean it, I do the looking when I feel it. But then again I can't feel it. I cannot be that girl. I cannot play that game. I just find it senseless. I once played, I though it would feel the same, at least how they said it felt. Then it didn't, and boy did I play. Your memory still makes my hands shake, just the thought of you makes my knees weak. But then I see you, and find myself looking at someone who doesn't resemble that dream I had. I think I just wanted you to be all those things I need to find. I guess the wanting is far more exciting than the actual having. I have you now, I can kiss you, touch you and then... nothing. Maybe I just waited for too long, maybe I just realized the truth. I tend to make people up in my head and then I go trying to make them real. You were my personal Pinocchio. I saw in you all those things that actually weren't there. But still I play, even though it's not the same. I guess feeling power is better than feeling nothing.

Hate this rules, hate this game. Why can't I be a virgin and a cheat? Why can't I be your one and only dream? Its hard to be everything I am when all I want to do is hurt you. Stop the kissing, stop the playing. I will not continue this nonsense. I will not be your cheat, always there. I don't need you to tell me you love me because I've realized I can't feel it. "Where is all that love? I sure can't see it, feel it". I'm done. I'm done with you and your easy words. I think it's fair to say I never loved you at all...but boy I loved the ride, the high.